Down the Labyrinthine Ways, Last Page

Sam walked up the stairs of the tallest building she could find. Even if she didn't know where to go, at least she could see everything. As she walked, she felt the building stretch out around her, felt it grow bigger and bigger. The stairs added to themselves, becoming more and more, until she felt like she had walked miles and miles and not moved an inch.


Still, she did not give in. She was determined to figure out this place, so she kept walking, discarding her shoes on some undetermined floor, her arm gripping the railing.


Finally, she came to the top floor where the stairs stopped. She opened the door and found herself on the roof of the building, only sky surrounding her. She gasped for breath and had to stop herself from hyperventilating, then slowly calmed down.


She slowly moved her feet forward and walked towards the edge of the roof. Luckily, there was a rail there to prevent her fall, so she gripped it with white knuckles and looked down.


There it was. The city. There was every building, every street, as far as she could see. It stretched out for so long, not even ending at the horizon. As she looked down, she saw as the city rearranged itself again, only this time into something different.


It was a face. It was making itself into a face, lakes for eyes and a tall building for a nose. She could see as the colors of the buildings changed, shading the face, making it a mixture of pale pink and brown for hair and


And it was her face. The face the city was transforming into was her own. The city was becoming her. And she knew.


It was always her. She hadn't been lost in a city. She had been lost in herself. She had been hiding from herself.


She felt the wind whip around her, felt her hair falling away from her face. The railing she had been holding onto had disappeared and now she was standing on the edge of the roof looking down at herself-as-a-city and she knew what she had to do.


if she was down there, she couldn't be up here, too. she couldn't be here and be the city. so the city had to be the real one. she had to let go. she let go and fell forward.


she let the city take her

Down the Labyrinthine Ways, Page One

It was 1939 and she was twelve years old, her eyes bright with excitement. She clutched her mother's hand as she led them both into what the sign declared was the "Dawn of the New Age" and the "World of Tomorrow."

They had only moved to New York last year and now there was this. There was so much excitement, so much to do, so much to see, so many people around. It truly was a World's Fair and there she was, right in the middle of it. She hadn't been able to see Flushing Meadows so much before because of all the preparations, but now that she could see it, she loved it with all of her heart. She could do that because she was twelve and could give all of her heart to many things.

Even as the sun beat down, even as she sweated inside her wool sweater, she gazed up at all the exhibits, eager to see each and every one. She wanted to go to the Ford Pavilion and see the race cars; she wanted to go to the Amusement Areas and go on the parachute jump; she wanted to see and do all things.

And then she realized that she wasn't clutching her mother's hand anymore. Somewhere in the rush of people, somewhere in the excitment, she had let it slip out of her grasp. She turned hurriedly and tried to spot her mother, but she couldn't. There were so many people, just so many of them. She tried to yell out "Mom!" but there was such a din that she knew her mother would never hear her.

She tried to move against the flow of people, but it was like trying to swim against the tide. Eventually, she was left on the sidelines, desparately watching the crowd, trying to find some sign of her mother, of the light brown hair and kind smile, the woman who would pick her up (even though she was getting too old for that) and kiss her on the forehead and tell her to be more careful.

She never saw her.

She wandered from place to place, searching for her, but the Fair was too big, too crowded. Even as night approached, the people never left. There were too many of them and only one of her and soon she was lost, lost amid the world of tomorrow, lost in the dawn of a new age.

And so she hid. She hid from the crowds and the people and the world of tomorrow. She hid and cried into her wool sweater and she wished her mother would find her.

Eventually, a man who worked there found her and brought her to exact center of the Fair where her mother was waiting for her. She rushed into her mother's arms and cried and her mother told her it was okay, that everything would be okay. "Dry your eyes, Samantha," her mother said and she did. She dried her eyes and they went home together, but Sam knew, deep in her heart, that she wanted never to be lost again. To be lost was the worst thing in the world.

Years later, she would feel those exact same feelings when she was inside the City.