In which I lose my way

I am lost. I      nexplicably, inextricably l       ost. I don't recognize an      y of the buildings around m       e and even if I did, it woul                                        d not do any good, for they are      all locked. I tried to open       doors, but they would not op      en. The windows are dark an       d shuttered and I can't see inside anywhere, I can't tell where I am. Every side street branching off into darkness. I am lost. Lost in a mercurial city.

I ran from t                                        hat deformed person in the cathe      dral. I ran from them and didn't look back. Perhaps that was bad                               of me. Perhaps they did not wish me harm      at all. But I took one look at them at felt such revulsi on,                                        such vileness, I could not help but run. Why did I feel in th at way, like I did? I do not know. I just ran. I ran down corridors and hallways, rushing through doors, not looking where I was running, not looking at all.

And now I am      lost. I cannot find my room. Once, I would have been able to turn      the corner and see it; now, I can only see more empty buildings, m      ore flickering streetlights, more dark alleyways that seem to conv                                        ey danger. I don't know why, but this place, this city doesn't feel like it used to feel. It doesn't feel safe anymore. It doesn't feel right. It feels...

I cannot des      cribe how it is making me feel. This place, this city. Everyw      here I turn now, it seems like it is turning me away, pushing me a      way. I have seen no more department stores, no more Italian rest                                       aurants, no more movie theaters. No more life. Just dark buildings, their edges as sharp as blades, their windows opaque, their doors firmly shut and locked.

Is this my fault?                               Or did A do something? When they         killed their monster, did that         change the city some         how? Or does it simply respond         to my own emotions?         When I was hungry, it led me to         a restaurant. When I panicked,                                 it became a place of panic, a place of blind fear. If I calm my self down, will it turn back into a place that feels exciting? Will I find my room then? Or will I just wander this city forever, searching for something that no longer exists? What am I doing? What am I going to do? -- Sam Norton.

"Polar"

Of wistfulness and weather.

After getting away from the sight that I saw, I soon found myself walking through yet another deserted street; the paving stones a grey colour, one which almost matched the fog that surrounded me. I could scarcely see that pavement beneath my feet, and the black road covered in tarmac? Hah, wouldn't that be lovely.

With my vision so obscured, I could only place one foot before the other and continue to advance. The fog danced at my senses and put my teeth on edge; I felt as though the peace that had filled my heart had been chased out by phantoms and naught else.

Ah, wistfulness. Isn't it just such a wonderful feeling?

That aside, I began to feel the cold set in around my bones as I continued to walk through the fog. As I continued to walk, I felt something hit my face; I could not see it for the life of me, given the fog. However, as I walked, I saw the pavement filling with powdery white.

I found an alcove to type this. My body feels cold, but my heart feels warm. I will wait until the fog clears a little before moving on, I think.

In which A is A

I followed A from our meeting place, staying behind them just enough so that they couldn't see me (or perhaps they could and were just humoring me). Finally, they turned a corner and I glimpsed them talking to someone. A woman who looked like she was around middle age. I could barely hear the conversation, but the older woman knelt down and seemed to be staring up at A reverently. Perhaps A's tactics had worked on someone else.


After about ten minutes, A walked away from the older woman and through a doorway. I rushed past the woman (who was still kneeling) and pushed the doorway open again and went through.


I found myself inside a large cathedral. There were rows and rows of pews with ornate designs on the ends. I rushed past them and the large stained glass windows, not even bothering to look up at them. I could no longer see A, they had vanished. I rushed to the other end of the church where the large double doors were and pushed them open slightly.


Outside, I could see there was a wide street. I saw the back of a woman, but then I heard the loud crack of a gunshot and I looked beyond the woman to where A stood. At first I thought they had shot a mannequin, it looked so strange. But then the mannequin started to crumble, turning to ash, the ash falling on A like rain.


A raised their hands, as if making a grand speech. I could barely make out the words they were saying. "-dreams, come unto reality. Behold the slain beast..." There was a rustling behind me and I turned, but nothing was there. I looked back down at A. "Watch, as I wield the future," they were saying, "as a musician wields his instrument." The rustling returned and again I turned, but there was nothing. I looked back through the barely open door and heard the end of A's speech. "The new world is closer now then it ever has been. This is it. This is my victory." And then they descended into hysterical laughter.


There was a sound behind me, the sound of shuffling feet, so finally I turned, fully expecting it to be nothing at all. But there was someone. They crawled on the ground, their face and hands hideously deformed. They looked at me with shock and then malice and rasped, "Let me in."


I ran out of the double doors. A and the woman were gone. All that was left was a pile of ashes on the ground. I ran down the street, away from the church, as fast as I could.


Sam Norton

"Peerless"

I followed A into their new world, and found myself enclosed within the City once more; the church still behind me. However, the City had lost the feeling of euphoria it had given me - perhaps A's words shook me more deeply then I had realised.


But that is nothing, compared to what else I saw.


I found myself looking down an alleyway; at it's end, I could see down a street, of the modern sort; tarmac and pavement, stone and cement. Looking down it, I saw A from behind, with their hands raised before them; I think I could see something in their hand. Before them, I saw a being that looked as if it had been pulled from a dream.


A man as tall as the tallest man you know; a man clothed in darkness in the imitation of business attire; arms branched as a tree would be. A deathly pale 'cross it's face; a face that looked unlike any other. If there had been eyes, mouth, a nose, ears... they were there no longer. Gone, as if blown into the wind, leaving a face as literally blank as my face was figuratively when I gazed upon it.


A stood between me and that being, but I felt my heart waver upon seeing it. Then I saw A raise their hands up, and saw what was held in between them.


Crack.


As if by magic, a hole appeared in the head of the being; it slumped, it's arms seeming to begin to burn with a purple flame. The being roared and stumbled, took two steps forward. The fire raced across it, reducing the being to ash as it stood. It suddenly charged at A, as if attacking - but no. The fire burned across the entirety of it, reducing the being to naught.


The roaring ceased, and stunned silence filled the air. And then, a giggle, quickly silenced as if suppressed. And then, A spoke, turning around, as if speaking to the city itself.


"Behold, my watchers. Behold my dreams, come unto reality. Behold the slain beast and the slayer themselves. If this is all a fable, then this would be it's end. It was the end of the monster, but not the end of the hero. This is a story in which the hero lives; the hero endures. You have born witness to the journey, and you shall now see the destination - watch, as I wield the future as a musician wields his instrument. Watch, as I shall take what I have done here, and take up the anvil. Watch, as I take command of the empty fate which I have been given. The new world is closer now then it ever has been. This is it. This is my victory."


Their face had remained straight for this, but as they said that last word, a smile ran across their face. And then, the giggling returned, followed by hysterical laughter.


I didn't want to stay. My body twitched at the thought of being close to that person again. So I turned back into the church, and I ran. I went through door after door, putting as many as I could between myself and what had occurred. I didn't understand it, and I don't want to understand it.

Diary Entry: Sinner

Yesterday, God's very Angel spoke with me. It was a beautiful creature who showed me another of my sinful kind. A great battle was to take place today. A demon would fall a fallalafall. I was not worty worthy my prayers were not to be enough. I was allowed to for pray to the angel I was not allowed to watch the demon fall. I watched. The windows let me watch.

February 9, 1923

Today I watched as God's Messenger hunted its quarry, and I watched as the Suited One sought out the Messenger. I saw huhdJHIUEFGEHWIQBKJ sddfjjojmmj iohwiudhuiweqduibhi SSENITPME FO MLAER EHT FO YOT EHT ERA UOY TUB TI ESU TI HTIW YOT TI ELUR TI LORTNOC OT HGUOHT UOY SIRBUH RUOY NI SOAHC FO YTIC SWODAHS TUOHTIW YTIC EFIL FO YTIC SSENITPME FO YTIC DSFIOUNHIOUHJKLNnmklnmflenjKNKLN (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hihihihihihihowdy SHARDSOFMYHUMANITY typetypetypetypetype

I pray for the Messenger's safety.

"Passing"

My heart is racing, but the beast has past.


After my last post, I felt opened that door, and found another. I drove myself to walk through each door that came in my way; unlike every other time when I have wandered this maze of bricks and mortar, I felt as if there was something driving me. That I was approaching my goal, although I knew not where my goal was. Each door confronted me with a new land that I had not traversed.


The first door led me to a beautiful fountain; water soared high into the sky, before tumbling back into the pool, only to be subjected to the fountain's function. Even the grey backdrop to this did not remove it from my mind; I only saw it for a brief moment, before I remained on my course and went through the next door.


There, I saw a supermarket - that's what my head tells me it was. Empty rows of unstacked shelves, followed by yet more. This felt almost poignant. Did this impart some distant memory into my mind? I don't know, but I kept walking; a door with the words "Staff Only" written upon it was the one I pushed open, to find myself back onto the city streets once more. I kept walking; these were the environments I felt at home with. The concrete city-scape which had enclosed me when A was near, protected me and pulled me away from them.


Walking through another door brought me into a church, or what seemed like one; no, a temple. A majestically large place, with figures cut from stone stood on pedestals. They looked down at me, hoods over their faces; their hands stood out firm, as if giving a speech. There were no seats and no people to want to sit in them; I walked up to the altar, and ran a hand across it. Unfamiliar symbols were cut into it, as if worshipping some unknown god, forgotten in times long since past for me. I looked up; the roof looked so very far away. A colossal dome, stretching up to the sky. There were paintings, but I could not truly comprehend them, really; I can't really explain this.


Remembering the temple, I can almost feel as if I am forgetting things I thought that I'd never forget there. The stained glass windows were a true majesty of design, yet I cannot even remember the faces on them. It's a shame.


Nevertheless, I soon found myself pulled to exit through a side-door, but I found myself forced to stop, for I found A beyond it.


Not A in any way I had seen them before, though. But the face still struck terror into my heart; even when they looked sad, they had been able to hurt me before. I kept my distance, but noted the person before me.


Their hood was down, their face revealed. Their blackened attire, which I had not seen them without, remained as it always had; immaculate and preserved. Not one inch of skin exposed. I looked around the room; they were sat on the chair, facing a door that I had not been through. As if this place was merely an extension of the temple, windows of stained glass (although not as beautiful as those outside) remained fitted, A's face outlined against one of them.


And such a face; I've not clearly seen it before. Prematurely aged, to be sure; I could see scars, both old and new, cut into it. Their nose, long and hooked, completed their face's outline. Although I could see it perfectly, I could still not be sure as to whether I was looking at a male or female face. Hah, a typical story. Clean but messy hair adorned their head, going down to their shoulders; I don't know what the style is, but I could see that it was not groomed; brown hair that had gone to grey in recent times, to be sure. At a table between them and I, I saw two things; a knife and a handgun. I'm an expert in neither field, but I'm sure that either would be sufficient to end my life.


I'm not sure what compelled me to memorise that; perhaps what they said next.


"The time that is coming," they said, in a tone that I did not recognise from that mouth. A tone that seemed... contemplative. "It is one time in which the time inside this place and the time outside it come together. On both inside and out, it shall be the winter solstice. I can imagine this time a year ago; a time of hope and of happiness. And of longing, at least for me. I was hoping then, like I had never hoped before.


"I wanted the nightmare to end. For it all to cease and to be done and forgotten. I wanted my past to leave me; to fade. I wanted a hero to rise up and defeat the monster... I saw the golden dream that others held and held it myself. In my silence, I prayed as hard as anyone else did.


"It was not enough. The dream was just that: in the morning, my nightmare haunted my waking hours, the dream extinguished. The world had lied to me; the world had led me astray; the world was wrong. I had followed hope, and hope brought me to crushing despair. I abandoned the companion that I had acquired; I severed the loose ends from my past; I moved on. I had to move on, lest I collapse into the ruins that surrounded me.


"I lost my way. I wandered in the darkness, hunting for a light. A guide, to show me the way. And for all my searching, I found nothing. I kept going so that I did not stop. Every step brought me no closer to my goal, but I knew that my goal was an impossibility. But stopping would have meant that everything I had done, every sin that I had committed, was worth naught. I told myself that the dream wasn't over yet, that if I didn't stop, the flame of hope would rekindle into a neverending blaze that would consume the past.


"In my head, there were words begging to be let go; I couldn't tell anyone. A thousand words, a thousand confessions. If I kept them close, I could control them; if I let go, I would be carried by them to a place that I might not want to go. I wanted to be myself again. I wanted to command my own fate; to go where I wanted.


"I met people who were trapped in the nightmare with me. We bonded and shared our feelings; each face, I couldn't forget. They were pulled into the darkness of the night, all of them. They all went, you could say. They were there, and then they were gone. Perhaps, in another life, I would have wept for them. I merely stared into the darkness and burned with anger. I was being forced to dance in another's palm, made to play the part of a puppet. But it's not the same now.


"I don't know what changed. Perhaps something else took me in; something else took my strings and is still playing my strings as expertly as any puppeteer. But something snapped. I shook myself from my fear and from my despair; I rose up, and climbed higher then I ever had.


"The dream wasn't done, not yet." A grim smile crossed A's face, as something appeared in their eyes. Tears? "I still felt that call to action, echoing across time. Anger may have worked then, but now I knew that I could not wait for a hero. Now, I was strong enough; waiting would solve nothing. The thousand words could wait, as could the thousand confessions. A hero would not come, so I would become the hero that everyone awaited. The mantle was thrust towards me, so I wore it with pride."


I stood in the room's corner, awkwardly. Were they trying to convey more half-truths? Or was this someone who had not talked from their heart for too long, who were now just looking for an excuse to dump them on the nearest passer-by? Nevertheless, they did not seem to want to stop.


"I had purpose and I had drive. Even if it meant forsaking my fellow man, I had a calling; the greatest calling of all, perhaps. And so, I did what I did. And finally, it has all come... to this."


A's hand grasped the gun on the table firmly; hand around the grip, finger on the trigger. They shifted their grip, examining it with a form of wistfulness that I'd not seen in those eyes before. "Before, I felt afraid of the future. Now... I still am, I think." A relaxed grin crossed the lips. "But this time, it's something that I have constructed. I have done all I can. I control myself now; my fate goes where I command it. I progress ever-further into the future. I cannot stop the beast I have let loose, but it's a beast I've wanted to ride."


A turned to me, placing the gun into a holster on their hip, and picking the knife up and hiding it on their person. The eyes pierced my soul; I felt some solidarity with this person, monstrous though they were. "It's almost time, you know," they said, pointing towards the unopened door. "Beyond that door is the new world. A world of harmony and order; of freedom and passion. It's a world that I've always wanted to see, and it's the world we'll soon be in. The whole world will become like that one, one day." They stood up, and walked towards it. They placed a hand on the ornate handle, and pushed it, just slightly.


"Come with me. Come to the new world. The door will always be open."


Pushing it open, they walked through, to a faraway world, perhaps.


Some of me wants to look at A in a new light. It's far drowned out by the rest of me, who realises that this person who has known fear just loves to inflict it on me. How could I feel anything but contempt for such a beast?


I'll follow them to this 'new world', and view it for the sham it is.